


Of Demons and Marshmallows

by StreetSoldierin



Series: Of This and That [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Making Out, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Safeword Use, Trauma, also Kuroo wears glasses and you can fight me on that, but Kuroo is an A+ boyfriend, but first there will be tears and hurt, happy birthday Terushima, i hope the fluff makes up for it, like actual eventual tooth-rotting fluff, poor Teru, protective Bobata, some heavy making out in the beginning but nothing too explicit, sorry for being a dick to you on your birthday, there are no explicit descriptions but it is mentioned, there's hot chocolate and marshmallows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StreetSoldierin/pseuds/StreetSoldierin
Summary: Kuroo is Terushima’s first boyfriend ever after escaping an abusive relationship, and he couldn’t be happier. But as things start to heat up in the bedroom, there’s still lots of demons haunting him that he doesn’t know how to handle. Good thing Kuroo does.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Terushima Yuuji, Past Terushima Yuuji/Original Male Character
Series: Of This and That [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1707133
Comments: 21
Kudos: 165





	Of Demons and Marshmallows

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Terushima! xx I was going to post this tomorrow, but then I realized it's our party boy's birthday, so what better time to spring all these feels on all of you?
> 
> Also, please check the tags! There's nothing explicitly described in this fic, but past rape/non-con elements are heavily implied.

If someone had told Terushima three years ago that he would be where he was right now, he probably wouldn’t have believed them. He would have written it off as some unrealistic fantasy, something that happened in movies, or romance novels, but never in real life and _especially_ not to him. No, the former years of his young life seemed to have been one long streak of bad luck, and there had been a time where he hadn’t been able to bring himself to believe that it would ever break.

But despite those times in the past where he had lost all hope, he was here now, _‘here’_ being in the strong, sturdy arms of one beautiful man named Kuroo Tetsurou, who was currently peppering his face with light, soft kisses like the absolute dork that he was. It was snowing outside as they could see through their bedroom window, each flake dimly lit by the street lights so it looked like the stars were falling, but Terushima couldn’t really bring himself to focus on the beautiful sight outside when there was something far better to look at right in front of him.

“Stop that, it tickles,” he giggled and tried to pull his face away, but Kuroo only paused for the fraction of a second to look down at him with a shit-eating grin before diving right back in. Laughing loudly, Terushima tried to scramble backwards, but ran into something solid with the back of his knees, yelping in surprise as gravity took the lead and sent both of them toppling over.

He let out an ‘oomph’ as the air was forced from his lungs, but luckily Kuroo had caught himself on his elbows left and right from Terushima’s head, caging him in, but at least he wasn’t completely smothering him with the way he was now sprawled on top of him.

“Very graceful.”

Terushima snorted and pushed at his chest playfully. “Shut up, that was your fault.”

“Oh yeah?” he mused, and Terushima’s breath hitched a little as he realized how close they were pressed flush together like this. 

They had been dating for well over a year now, but things had never gone further than some messy make-out sessions, and though Kuroo had assured him again and again that he didn’t mind at all, and that Terushima could take all the time he needed, he still felt a little guilty for it. Especially in situations like these, when there was a teasing spark in Kuroo’s eyes and Terushima couldn’t help but think that he’d probably like to take it further if it wasn’t for himself being so messed up. Even now, in the sweetest atmosphere possible, his heart had started hammering a little too quickly, but the tingling feeling in his fingertips wasn’t as bad as it used to be, so in the split of a second, he made a decision.

Snaking his way around Kuroo’s neck, he watched as his boyfriend’s eyes went wide and then gave a determined pull, sending him collapsing on top of him and their lips crashing together. Kuroo made a surprised noise in the back of his throat at the sudden move, but didn’t seem to mind, on the contrary, his hands found their way up to gently cup Terushima’s face and slowly but surely he deepened the kiss, seizing the opportunity right away when Terushima opened his lips to let him explore for a bit.

The pressure on Terushima’s legs from Kuroo’s weight was becoming too much and he wiggled a bit to spread them, allowing Kuroo to rest between them and heat flared up in his body as their hips pressed together, and Terushima let out a sound that embarrassingly sounded like a mixture between a moan and a whine. He could feel Kuroo grin against his lips as he adjusted his posture a little bit.

His chest felt a bit tight at the very intimate closeness, but he quickly distracted himself by dragging his piercing down Kuroo’s tongue, coaxing a beautifully needy sound from him. Despite his sweating palms, Terushima felt excited, if not a little proud that he was able to make Kuroo sound like this, to lose his composure and supposedly-cool demeanor so quickly against his touch, and it made him feel a little bolder as he ran his hands down the curve of Kuroo’s spine and slipped them beneath the hem of the black shirt he was wearing. Maybe these little moments shouldn’t make him feel so proud, but somehow they reminded him that Kuroo probably could have anyone he wanted - there was no denying he was stupidly attractive, especially now that he had started wearing glasses in college - and still he had chosen to be here, with Terushima, and he was squirming and making breathy sounds, and he was unraveling under Terushima’s fingertips, and it just gave him the last push to grab the hem of Kuroo’s shirt and pull it over his head.

Kuroo leaned upwards for the split of a second so he could discard of it completely, then he was back down on Terushima immediately and even through the fabric of his own shirt, Terushima could feel the heat that the other’s bare skin radiated as he went right in for another kiss. He reached out and let his hands travel up and down Kuroo’s back, marveling at the way the muscles there flexed under his fingers with Kuroo’s attempts to hold himself up just a little bit so he wouldn’t completely squash the smaller boy under him. The sensation felt good. They had done this before, to explore each other with very innocent touches, no intentions besides getting a feel for the other and mapping out each other’s bodies, but this time Terushima didn’t want to let it stop there, he wanted to take this further, he _needed_ to, so he let his hands rest on the small of Kuroo’s back for a few seconds before pulling him in a little, pulling closer, closer, until it was impossible to leave anything to imagination through the feel of their bodies pressed together with only the fabric of their sweatpants in the way.  
Kuroo quietly moaned into the kiss and pulled back just a little bit, the question already evident in his eyes, but it gave Terushima just enough space to grab and tear off his own shirt before he wrapped his arms around Kuroo’s neck again to draw him in.

He was moving a little faster than he himself had anticipated, but he feared that if he stopped to think about it for a second his bravado would falter, and he couldn’t let that happen, not this time, so instead of letting Kuroo ask if he was okay, if he wanted to keep going, he just deepened the kiss and rolled his hip upwards, hoping the pleasurable sensation of the movement would just shut up the thoughts that were screaming in the back of his mind. It didn’t really work, but it didn’t feel terrible either, so he just kept going, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach that seemed to go hand in hand with the tightening of his lower belly.

Kuroo broke their kiss, just barely pulling back so that their lips were still almost touching, and he breathed out a “Yuuji…”, but Terushima didn’t want to pause, didn’t want to break this momentum he had built, so instead of looking his boyfriend in the eye he ducked his head a little, pressing his lips to the spot on Kuroo’s throat that he knew was most sensitive. It seemed to do the trick, because instead of asking questions, Kuroo let out a moan and his hips bucked down, making Terushima’s body jolt - both with pleasure and a sudden seizing in his lungs. He tried to ignore it though, struggling to breathe in through his nose quietly so Kuroo wouldn’t notice the hitch, and kept nibbling at the sensitive skin of his boyfriend’s throat, running his tongue over it so his piercing would drag, hoping the sensation would bliss Kuroo out just enough not too pay attention to Terushima’s slightly uneven breathing rhythm, or the way his heart was beating far too quickly.  
Even the slight sparks of pleasure from the fraction of Kuroo’s hips against his wasn’t enough anymore to drown out the very evident panic that had started to rise in Terushima’s chest, but he refused to let up. He had already come this far, he could make it to the end, he could do this, he just needed to push a little further. They didn’t have to go all the way yet, he reminded himself, starting out slowly was improvement enough, maybe if he could just use his hands, or… fuck, it wasn’t like he had never done this before, when the hell had it become this hard to do?

 _Whore_ , a little voice in the back of his mind whispered and he wanted to scream. _You know you want it, you whore, stop acting like a petulant child._  
He could do this, he knew he could do this, fuck, he _had_ done it, so why was his heart pounding like this, now that he was actually with someone who was gentle and kind and whom he loved, why wouldn’t his body cooperate the way he wanted it to?  
He fought down the rising nausea and slid his hand under the waistband of Kuroo’s sweatpants, grabbing onto the fabric but not lifting it quite yet, he needed a second to steel himself.

“Yuuji.” Kuroo’s voice was low and husky, and Terushima could feel it rumble where his lips were still pressed against the other’s throat. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, squeezing his eyes shut as he willed his voice not to betray him. He could do this. It wouldn’t be so hard, if he was good it would only last a few minutes and then he’d have a few days where he wouldn’t even have to think about it, and at least this ever-present guilt of not being able to give Kuroo any kind of sexual satisfaction would cease. This was worth it, he reminded himself, even though his body was stuck between wanting to cry, or vomit. Or both. But he could do this, he knew he could. Steeling himself with one last deep breath, he began pulling on the fabric of Kuroo’s pants.

But then, suddenly, gentle fingers wrapped around his wrists and stopped the movement. Terushima frowned, though his heart did a massive lurch, and then Kuroo was leaning back, sitting up so he was straddling him, hands still around his wrists but with a touch so light that Terushima would just have to move his hand to break out.

Kuroo was looking down at him with a soft, but serious expression. “What color are you?”

Terushima’s lungs seized and he could feel his throat closing up and no, no, _no_ , this wasn’t supposed to happen, it wasn’t supposed to be like this! He was losing momentum and there was pressure behind his eyes and in his chest and all the bravado he had put on began to crumble slowly but surely, and he sucked a painful breath into his lungs, fighting so hard to look unbothered but his body was betraying him more with every second. Kuroo glanced down at the hands he was holding in his own, slowly pulling them from his waistband and Terushima couldn’t even try to hold on.

“You’re shaking,” Kuroo stated quietly. “What color are you?”

“R-red.” It tore through him like lightning, sucked all the air from his lungs and blinded his eyes, but what he could see perfectly clear was the sad smile on Kuroo’s face as he nodded and let go of Terushima’s wrists, sliding off of him to the side and no, no, no, he fucked up, oh gods he fucked it all up and now it was all falling apart and Kuroo would look for someone else, someone better, someone who could at least do this little thing…

“No, please…” Terushima’s hand shot out on their own, grabbing on to Kuroo’s arm even though his fingers were trembling so badly now he could barely hold on. “I- I didn’t mean it, please, we can still continue, I just need a second to get used to it, but…”

“Yuuji,” Kuroo interrupted him, not unkind, but his tone was still stern to some degree. “No.”

And that was like the last switch had been flipped. Terushima let go, crumbling into himself as he sat up and scrambled to the bedside, his whole body trembling as he hugged his arms around his body when he suddenly felt cold. That was it, he had gone and done it again, fucked it up again, just like he always did, he couldn’t ever do anything right, could he?

 _Whore_ , the voice in his head whispered again. _You asked for it, you were basically begging for it and now you’re trying to pull back? Pathetic_.

“I’m sorry,” he cried out, tears finally spilling over and he drew his knees up to his chest to hide his face in them, tried to make himself as small as possible because he just didn’t know what else to do, he couldn’t stand being here but he also was terrified when he thought about leaving, or _Kuroo_ leaving, and fuck why did it always come down to this, why wasn’t his body just able to shut the fuck up and cooperate? “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

It had all been too good to be true, all the gentle kisses, the whispered reassurances, the nights spent cuddled up in each other’s arms, it had been more than he deserved and he had known it, and still he had taken it all because that was just how greedy he was, but he had always known these days were numbered and now it was finally time to face what he had dreaded for so long. To lose everything he had, again.

A hand settled on his shoulder, and Terushima cried.

* * *

When Kuroo had first seen Terushima, he had been absolutely mesmerized by the younger boy. There was just something about his radiant grin, the endearing way he was constantly whooping in joy, and the fact that much like Bokuto, he couldn’t really grasp the concept of an inside voice.

At their first practice match together when the two captains had gone to greet each other, Terushima had looked up to Kuroo with a sparkle in his eye and a lop-sided grin, and he had been a goner ever since that moment. It hadn’t exactly gotten any better when he watched Terushima play, when the young captain would pull of ridiculously bold moves and when he had cheered loudly with his team even at the luckiest points and especially when he had stuck out his tongue to flash that silver stud in his tongue in a way that had sent shivers down Kuroo’s spine.  
Four days into the training camp and he had been pining like a love-struck idiot, and if it hadn’t been for Bokuto and a scarily pushy Akaashi - seriously, who would have thought the quiet setter was actually a quite skilled, though merciless matchmaker? - then maybe things would have just stayed that way, but after an excruciating week of endless teasing and flirting and winks that had almost made Kuroo’s entire bravado falter and had left him a flustered mess more often than not, he had gone home from training camp with a new contact in his phone and a wide grin on his face.

Things had picked up from there. Terushima and he didn’t live exactly close-by, so the first weeks had mostly consisted of texting, which had gradually turned into phone calls and then finally evolved into occasional visits. Kuroo remembered exactly how the first few times driving down to Miyagi had filled him with buzzing excitement - and nervousness as well, but that had always died down fairly quickly as soon as he had seen that radiant grinbeaming at him at the train station. Bokuto had always teased him whenever he had come back from these trips and literally hadn’t been able to stop smiling.

In the beginning, it had been a bit strange for Kuroo to see that Terushima’s teammates flocked to him wherever he went - on their first few dates, they had turned up at the same cafés, same parks, same ice cream shops, and eventually they hadn’t even tried to come up with excuses anymore. Terushima had just chuckled and called them overprotective in a fond tone, so Kuroo hadn’t asked about it.  
He still got chills though when he thought back to the one time when Bobata Kazuma had pulled him aside and explained in a very calm and serious voice what exactly he intended to do to Kuroo if he ever ended up hurting Terushima, and though Kuroo got along with all of Terushima’s friends by now, he would never forget the sincerity of that threat.

When Terushima’s and his relationship progressed, meaning after they had been past the initial stages of heart fluttering and shy advances and had finally settled into a comfortable rhythm with each other, Kuroo had finally gotten to know the reasoning for Terushima’s very protective friend circle.  
That day, Terushima had sat him down with an uncharacteristically somber look on his face, and then he had started telling him about his last serious relationship - how a guy five years older than him had taken advantage of his open-hearted nature and torn him apart from the inside out. He told him how dependent he had become, how isolated, and how he hadn’t even realized he was losing touch until it had been far too late.  
By the time he had told Kuroo about the traumatizing event that had finally led him to running and seeking help, they had both been crying.

But things didn’t change after that. Kuroo was still falling in love a little bit more every day, and if anything was different it was only that he now knew not to creep up on Terushima in an unexpected way, or not to raise his voice when they fought, or to let him take the lead whenever they started on the more touchy-feely bits. They were still working together perfectly, and Kuroo considered himself the luckiest man in the world, especially when Terushima announced he would be moving to Tokyo for university. Both of them agreed it was too early to move in together, and Kuroo still had his dorm room that he now shared with Akaashi, and so Terushima moved into a cute, affordable one-room apartment that often had more broken parts than functioning ones, but it worked, and they were able to see each other far more often now.

But of course, no matter how happy they were, things weren’t perfect. Not that they needed to be, Kuroo was entirely content with their imperfect relationship just the way it was, because he loved Terushima way too much to ever reconsider just because they argued from time to time. It never lasted long, anyways, and they usually were able to reconcile within the same day they had fought, so in general, things ran pretty smoothly.  
There was just one thing Kuroo wished he could bring Terushima some peace of mind for, and that was bedroom activities. 

From the very beginning of their relationship, Terushima had made it clear that he wasn’t ready to get intimate yet again, and Kuroo had given him the reins in the matter. Whatever they did, they did at Terushima’s pace, and they always talked it out before and after, making sure that everything was alright and they were both okay with whatever they did, and Kuroo had introduced the concept of safewords to Terushima, which the other had gladly adopted. So far, they had never gone beyond some steamy making out, but Kuroo was perfectly content with that - he just wished that he could make Terushima see that, too. The violence of his former relationship had left its marks, quite a few of them, and while Kuroo did his best to accommodate his lover’s needs, he never really seemed to be able to erase the guilt Terushima felt at not being able to entirely reciprocate physical affection.

But usually Terushima still was sensible enough to tell Kuroo if things got too much, and didn’t hesitate to call things off on his own initiative, even if Kuroo consistently asked for their safe-words whenever they got a little into it.

That’s why Kuroo had been so surprised today at the boldness of Terushima’s touches; the way he had pulled him in with a determination Kuroo wasn’t used to, and every time he had opened his mouth to ask for a safe word, Terushima had drowned it with a kiss. But at the very least when Terushima had reached out for his waist band and his hands had been trembling so badly Kuroo had had trouble holding them had he realized something was very wrong.

But when he called Terushima out on it, his lover had just looked at him as if he had been slapped and retreated to the bedside, where he was now sobbing into his knees and Kuroo felt a little bit at a loss. Terushima had used the safe word in the end, but then back pedaled by saying he didn’t mean it, and then gotten visibly more and more upset as Kuroo had pulled back, but he hadn’t known how else to react. And now he wasn’t too sure what the issue was. 

He crawled over to where Terushima was still crying and reach out to gently, very gently lay a hand on his shoulder.

“Yuuji.”

Terushima let out a sob that sounded so heartbroken it shook Kuroo to the core. “I’m sorry,” Terushima choked out, “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Kuroo replied softly and rubbed his shoulders in a comforting manner. “Can you look at me?”

A little reluctantly, Terushima lifted his head, but he could hardly keep his eyes trained on Kuroo with how badly he was trembling. Kuroo took in the sight, how he had wrapped his arms tightly around his own torso, how his whole body was shaking, and he realized that it was a little cool in the room as well.

“Hey, do you want to put your shirt back on?”

Terushima sniffled. “C-can I…” He couldn’t finish the sentence, but one trembling hand reached for the black fabric that Kuroo had disposed of earlier, and he understood immediately.

“Of course, love, let me help you.” He helped Terushima into his own shirt, tugging it into position. It was a bit too large on Terushima’s smaller frame, revealing far more collarbone than it did on Kuroo, and overall it made Terushima seem smaller than he was, but it seemed to comfort him as he grabbed onto the hem and clutched the fabric in his fists.  
Kuroo brought up his hand to Terushima’s shoulder again, careful to move in a way so Terushima could see his hand the entire time and he kept his touches light. 

“Do you want me to put a shirt on, too?”

But Terushima shook his head and inched closer, reaching out, and Kuroo complied immediately as he opened his arms and pulled him into his lap, wrapping his arms around his shaking frame to hold him tight and steady. And though he was still worried out of his mind, part of him was relieved that Terushima was seeking comfort in his arms, because he had been a little afraid that he had done something wrong, that he had accidentally hurt him without even noticing, but Terushima wasn’t pulling away, on the contrary, he nuzzled his head into the crook of Kuroo’s neck and clung to him as if he was afraid to let go. Kuroo practically melted at that and pressed feather-light kisses to the younger one’s hair, whispering sweet reassurances.

“You’re okay, it’s all good. I’m here for you, everything’s okay.”

Eventually the sobbing died down a bit, but Terushima still refused to look up, and Kuroo hummed for a while, just gently rocking him back and forth until he heard that his breathing had steadied completely. Then he asked, “Do you want to move to the couch? I’ll make some hot chocolate, and then we can talk a little, how does that sound?”

He hoped that the living room would take off some of the pressure that Terushima sometimes felt in the bedroom, and when he felt him nodding against his shoulder he braced his feet against the floor and stood up, straining to lift Terushima with him in his arms. He carried him over to the living room and sat him down on the sofa, just leaning back for a moment to grab a blanket, and his heart almost exploded when he turned back and took in the sight of Terushima just sitting there, eyes red-rimmed and in Kuroo’s too large shirt.  
He quickly wrapped the blanket around him and then crawled beneath it as well, throwing an arm around his shoulders and tucking him into his side. When he pressed a soft kiss against his temple, Terushima finally broke out of his trance-like state and turned to meet Kuroo’s gaze. He didn’t say anything yet, though, so Kuroo decided to take initiative.

“I know you don’t like to talk about these things, but if I did anything that hurt you, or made you feel uncomfortable, then I need to know so I won’t ever do it again, okay? Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

At that, Terushima shook his head almost frantically. “No, no, it wasn’t you, I just… I-”

“It’s okay,” Kuroo soothed him and placed another kiss on his forehead. “I’m just trying to understand what happened, you did absolutely nothing wrong.”

Terushima sighed shakily and played with the hem of the shirt. “I just don’t want you to think that it’s you, because it’s not, I- You’ve been nothing but amazing, and you’re so careful and loving and perfect, and I can’t even give you this back and it’s just so _unfair_ -”

“Hey,” Kuroo interrupted softly and took Terushima’s hands into the one that wasn’t around his shoulders, running his fingers over his knuckles. “Breathe. We have all the time in the world, so let’s just take it slow, okay? So I didn’t make you uncomfortable, but something was obviously wrong. You never were this reluctant to use the safeword before. Were you afraid I’d be mad?”

“Not really,” Terushima murmured, not quite meeting his eyes, but at least he seemed a little calmer now. “I know you wouldn’t get angry with me over that. I just… I don’t know, I didn’t want to disappoint you, I guess.”

“Now, why would I be disappointed?”

A half-hearted shrug was the answer. “Doesn’t it suck, always having to stop before anything happens? You always have to control yourself so much because I can’t go through with anything, and… I’m sorry.”

“Yuuji,” he murmured and nuzzled the younger one’s hair tentatively. “You don’t need to apologize, it’s okay. We can always stop, at any time, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“But we were already this far in, and I thought if I called it off, it felt like I was leading you on just to pull away at the last moment again. It didn’t feel fair to you.”

Oh. _Oh_. Kuroo’s eyes widened a little as he realizes what that implied. “Yuuji, were you trying to _force_ yourself to have sex with me?”

“I… I mean, I probably wouldn’t have gone _that_ far.”

But he didn’t deny it, and that sent chills down Kuroo’s spine. Had Terushima really thought he needed to push through this, for Kuroo’s sake? Put himself into a vulnerable position and tried to ignore his own discomfort just because he had been afraid Kuroo would be disappointed eventually?

“Please look at me.” He needed to look him into the eye, because he needed him to see, to understand. Terushima looked up just the tiniest bit reluctantly, and Kuroo reached out with his hand and cradled his face gently. “Yuuji, you can _always_ tell me to stop. Always, okay? That means even if we do take things further one day and I’m like this close to finishing, you can still say stop. That’s what safewords are for. You don’t need to justify yourself, or feel bad for it, because you don’t owe me - or anyone, as a matter of fact - anything, especially not when it comes to sex. You might think you’re doing me a favor, but the only way I can truly enjoy myself is when I know that you are absolutely and a hundred percent into whatever we’re doing, so please, please don’t just continue because you think you need to please me.”

Terushima bit his lip, looking a bit unsure now. “But doesn’t it bother you? I trust you, I do, but it’s still hard to believe you’re not… I don’t know, maybe just a little annoyed by the situation?”

“I’m really not,” Kuroo replied, and a warm smile was tugging at his lips now. “Do you want to know why?”

Terushima nodded, so Kuroo pulled him in a little closer and adjusted his grip so they were both seated a bit more comfortably with their faces close to each other. When he continued speaking, he could look him directly into the eyes.

“Sex is nice, and it’s fun, and yes, I like it a lot, but that doesn’t mean I need it. For me, sex and love couldn’t be more independent from each other, because I don’t need sex to love someone. This right here? Just being able to sit here, with you in my arms and knowing that I’ll get to hold you tonight, that alone makes me so much happier than anything else ever could. Hell, Yuuji, I’d take making you laugh over sex any day, any time. So don’t worry about that, okay?”

Terushima’s eyes went wide before scrunching up a little, but a wobbly smile appeared on his lips as well. “I’m sorry. Sometimes I just feel like you deserve so much more than I can give.”

Kuroo reached out to brush some strands of hair out of his face. “You’ll always be enough exactly the way you are.”

A sound that was something between laughter and a sob broke past Terushima’s lips and he leaned forward so their foreheads were touching, eyes still a little wet, but Kuroo was relieved to see they were sparkling again. “I love you, Tetsurou. I love you so, so much.”

“You dork,” Kuroo replied with a smile and ruffled his hair affectionately before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on his lips. “I love you too.”

Everything he had said had been the truth. Not once in their relationship had he been annoyed or frustrated by whatever it was they weren’t doing in the bedroom, on the contrary, he was more than happy with what they _were_ doing. Especially now that it was winter, spending the evenings cuddled up on the couch or the nights in each other’s arms was his favorite thing ever, and he didn’t need more than Terushima simply being here, knowing that he was happy and they were okay.

They stayed like this for a few minutes, just pressed up against each other and listening to their heartbeats, and Kuroo was pretty sure that his own skipped a beat when Terushima finally let out a sigh through his nose and let all tension fall from his body, curving into him a little more. Kuroo tightened his hold on him and peppered little kisses over the bleach blond hair - the roots were starting to show, so Terushima would need to dye it soon since he was firmly holding on to this hairstyle he had been sporting since high school, but Kuroo thought it suited him really well.

“How about I make us that hot chocolate we talked about earlier?”

Terushima turned his head and smiled up at him; his eyes were still a little red from the tears, but their gaze was soft now. “Only if you carry me. I don’t want to let go.”

Chuckling, Kuroo flicked his forehead, but picked him up nevertheless when he stood up. “You’re such a sap sometimes.”

“You’re the bigger sap out of the two of us and you know it.”

“Sh,” he hummed and nuzzled the spot between Terushima’s neck and shoulder as he carried him over to the kitchen. “You’re ruining my image.”

Terushima laughed, loud and joyous, and Kuroo could feel the rumble of his chest against his arms, a more than welcome feeling. He had meant it when he said making his boyfriend laugh was his favorite thing in the world.

“I hate to break it to you, Tetsu, but anyone who spends two minutes with you can tell you’re just a huge softie.”

He sat him down on the kitchen aisle and leaned back a little to grin at him. “Well, being a softie somehow managed to get me the most beautiful boyfriend, so I’m not complaining.”

“See? Cheesy,” Terushima teased but leaned down to press their lips together for a quick kiss. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I love you,” Kuroo whispered against his lips, and when they pulled back a teasing grin slipped onto his lips as he had to tilt his head back a little to look up at Terushima due to their current position. “My, this sure is a new angle. How does it feel finally being able to look down on me? Is this what life looks from your eyes? Seems hard on the neck.”

Terushima snorted and kicked his leg out, just slightly hitting Kuroo’s thigh. “Shut up and make me some hot chocolate, old man.”

“Whatever you say, brat.”

Just a little while later, they were both settled on the couch again, both with mugs of hot chocolate in their hands - Kuroo had decorated Terushima’s with such an unhealthy amount of marshmallows and candy canes that if Akaashi had seen it, it probably would have made him spit out his plain black coffee- and Terushima was resting his head on Kuroo’s shoulder peacefully. The TV was off, but they had put some music on, and the snow was falling in heavier flakes now and covering the streets in white.

The sat in silence for a bit, just sipping on their chocolate and Kuroo kept running his hand through Terushima’s hair, marveling at how soft it felt underneath his fingers. “Want me to dye your hair tomorrow?”

“Hm,” Terushima hummed and nuzzled further into the touch. “As long as it doesn’t turn pink again.”

“That was _one_ time.”

“One time, but a very vibrant pink.”

Kuroo snorted at the memory. “True. But it suited you.”

“Damn right it did.” Terushima cracked his eyes open and leaned up to steal a quick kiss that tasted sweet like chocolate. “I’m sorry about earlier. I really didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“It’s all fine, love,” Kuroo answered and turned his head so they were directly facing each other. “Just promise me you’ll always use the safeword when you don’t feel comfortable? I really couldn’t forgive myself if I accidentally hurt you.”

“I promise,” Terushima murmured and reached out to lace their fingers together. “Thank you, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo just hummed in response and placed his now empty mug on the table to pull Terushima into a proper hug, careful not to spill the other’s sugary drink that he was still holding. “Cuddle night?”

“Cuddle night,” Terushima confirmed and leaned into him.

And that was how they spent the evening, wrapped in each other’s arms, sharing lazy kisses and hushed whispers, the occasional giggle traveling through the air as the snow outside was slowly putting the city to sleep, and when Terushima’s head finally lolled to the side to rest on Kuroo’s shoulder and his breathing evened out, the other couldn’t help but just look down at him for a few moments.

He really didn’t know how he had gotten so lucky, but he wouldn’t question it, not for a second. He was the luckiest man in the world, and he’d give it his all to make Terushima feel that way, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Always have safe words, kids. Communication is of utmost importance when it comes to sex, and safe words aren't just for kink play, they should be a given in every bedroom. If you need someone to give you the sex talk and you don't have anyone you trust to talk about it, come hit me up on insta or tumblr (it's both @streetsoldierin). Seriously, stay safe.
> 
> Okay, I'll turn the mom friend mode off now, let's get back to talking about this angst pile.
> 
> I've been in KuroTeru hell for a while now, and I will literally go down with this ship, just as I will fight anyone on my headcanon that Kuroo wears glasses. My main project right now is a multi-chapter KuroTeru Fantasy AU, but when I need a break from all the world building I write angsty one shots like these instead (if you're interested in the fantasy AU thing feel free to check out my tumblr, i'll post occasional updates on how it's progressing there).  
> I apologize for all the pain I put Teru through in this one, but I think Kuroo made up for it in the end. The one time in my life that I wrote an unhappy ending I cried and never looked at that monstrum again after posting it, so no matter how much angst I dump into fics, at least it gets resolved somehow, so.... could be worse I guess?
> 
> kk time to stop the rambling, please leave me some love in form of kudos and/or comments xx
> 
> And once again, happy birthday Teru! xx


End file.
